TODAY'S DIVORCE COURT CULTURE

For most people, their first exposure to divorce court most likely lies somewhere between bewilderment, and anxiety. In his book "SPLITTING; HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF WHILE DIVORCING A BORDERLINE OR NARCISSIST", author William Eddy describes some of the significant elements of divorce court in 2011:


> IT'S A HIGHLY ADVERSARIAL CULTURE


> IT'S A NO FAULT DIVORCE CULTURE


> PRESUMPTIONS OF ABUSE WHEN ACCUSED


> PRESUMPTIONS OF FALSE ALLEGATIONS


> FAST DECISIONS SLOW TO CHANGE


> EMOTIONAL PERSUASION IS POWERFUL


> EVALUATORS ARE PRIMARY


> THE BURDEN IS ON YOU





A divorce lawyer, like any good guide, will help you navigate through the divorce process. However, a guide needs to know what your final destination is, they can't decide that for you. Life coaching can help you identify and clarify your goals, which can help you be focused with your lawyer and help you be more strategic as opposed to being more reactive...

PROTECTING YOURSELF IN A DIVORCE

Of all the self help books I've read on divorce, the one that has had the most impact on me, both personally and professionally, has been " SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist " by William A. Eddy (Attorney, Mediator, Social Worker), published by EGGSSHELLS PRESS. I found his book insightful, extremely helpful, and amazingly accurate in it's portrayal of the issues involved in divorcing someone with either a Bordereline or Narcissistic character disorder. The Table of Contents reads:
PART I : PREPARING FOR COURT
1) BLAMERS AND TARGETS: It's all your fault!!
2)TODAY'S DIVORCE COURT CULTURE
3)ALTERNATIVES TO COURT
4)DECIDING TO SETTLE OR FIGHT
5)TAKING AN ASSERTIVE APPROACH
6)PREPARING FOR A COURT BATTLE
PART II : THE COURT PROCESS
7)BRIEF OVERVIEW
8)HIRING AN ATTORNEY
9)WORKING WITH YOUR ATTORNEY
10)GATHERING THE RIGHT EVIDENCE
11)WORKING WITH EXPERTS AND EVALUATORS
12)WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE OPPOSING ATTORNEY
13)WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR HEARING OR TRIAL
PART III : SPECIAL ISSUES
14)HOW FAMILY AND FRIENDS CAN HELP
15)SHOULD AN EXPERT TESTIFY ABOUT BPD OR NPD?
16)WHAT IF YOU ARE LOSING YOUR CASE?
17)IF YOU ARE A BORDERLINE OR NARCISSIST
18)ENFORCING COURT ORDERS
19)MANAGING THE POST-DIVORCE RELATIONSHIP
20)ANDY: A CASE STUDY
21)CONCLUSION
APPENDIX

This is essential reading for anyone either contemplating or actually going through a divorce with someone who suffers from a character disorder. I intend to address some of the more critical issues that are brought up in the book over my next few blog posts...